Just a Little Bit of Fatih!

I am not the most religious person, in fact I haven't been to church in years. However, being cursed with breast cancer has really renewed my faith in God/higher power of some sort. Last night, I went to a support meeting for those suffering or in remission from some form of cancer. Although everyone there could have been my mother or grandmother, they welcomed me with open arms and treated me like they've known me for years. It was the most overwhelming feeling and I enjoyed every minute of it. There was a special guest speaker who educated us about the power of dogs and how they reduce stress in our lives more so than any other kind of complimentary medicine can do. One thng I've been struggling with throughout this whole process is definitely my stress levels and how to minimize it. Too bad I don't have a dog.. although my kids would like us to get one. That would take some coaxing on my part to convince my husband. Maybe I should volunteer at an animal shelter. That may do the trick. Throughout this meeting, I laughed, I cried and felt at peace surrounded by women that know too well, how I feel. I received a prayer blanket that volunteers had made that I can take to my chemo treatments. Those rooms are always so cold and it will serve me well. The blanket itself is blue and white checkered, with red cardinals and yellow trees on it. Although that may not sound beautiful, the meaning behind it makes it all the more sweet. See, my grandmother always loved cardinals. She passed 11 years back from lung cancer. The cardinal was always a symbol of her presence and just recently, there has been one that keeps a close eye on my home. Flying back and forth as I drive down my street and lands on the telephone wire and hangs out most mornings. I know she's with me during my fight and when I had my choice of prayer blankets to choose from and I saw the cardinals all over it, I just knew. It was her calling to me. Maybe that's what brought on my tears during the prayer over my blanket, or just the fact that I'm finally giving in to my vulnerability. I'm not sure and it doesn't really matter. It's crazy how much breast cancer has changed me and my thought process. I'm taking something so horrible and turning it into a better me. They say that you're never given anything that you can't handle and I'm beginning to see some truth in that. Not that I'm thankful for having breast cancer but in some little way, I'm thankful to be given something that is making me a better version of myself.

Damn Chemo brain!

Hello everyone! I have been trying to update my blog for about a week now but the chemo has my brain in such disarray! I couldn't remember my password or how to even create a new blog. Silly, I know but for some reason it just wouldn't come to me. Since my last post, I felt better in between treaments and was even able to work again... light duty but it's still work. So I'm thankful for that. Keeping myself busy is important now because sometimes those inner demons haunt you. I'm keeping with the positivity and reminding myself that it's not my fault that this happened. What's meant to be is meant to be and I'll just take it as it comes. I had my second treatment of Taxotere 3 days ago. Yesterday was a little rough but I was able to keep busy at a co-workers wedding surrounded by lots of people I love. You really don't realize how lucky you are until misfortune veers its ugly head. I wish everyone out there could see that we all have positives in our life and we need to take hold of them and run with it. Yes, bad things happen but they shouldn't define us. We should embrace those that love us, take full advantage of their presence and really appreciate them and tell them often how much they mean to us. I know I've stated this over and over again... but I feel truly blessed to have such awesome people on my side. Everyday, someone inspires me with encouraging words that allow me to push forward and truly see the meaning of life and why I should continue to fight. "Operation Cancer @ss Kicking" is in full force. Thank you all again for your continued, non-waivering, support. They are truly what gets me by. Until next time... be well and love!