Just a Little Bit of Fatih!

I am not the most religious person, in fact I haven't been to church in years. However, being cursed with breast cancer has really renewed my faith in God/higher power of some sort. Last night, I went to a support meeting for those suffering or in remission from some form of cancer. Although everyone there could have been my mother or grandmother, they welcomed me with open arms and treated me like they've known me for years. It was the most overwhelming feeling and I enjoyed every minute of it. There was a special guest speaker who educated us about the power of dogs and how they reduce stress in our lives more so than any other kind of complimentary medicine can do. One thng I've been struggling with throughout this whole process is definitely my stress levels and how to minimize it. Too bad I don't have a dog.. although my kids would like us to get one. That would take some coaxing on my part to convince my husband. Maybe I should volunteer at an animal shelter. That may do the trick. Throughout this meeting, I laughed, I cried and felt at peace surrounded by women that know too well, how I feel. I received a prayer blanket that volunteers had made that I can take to my chemo treatments. Those rooms are always so cold and it will serve me well. The blanket itself is blue and white checkered, with red cardinals and yellow trees on it. Although that may not sound beautiful, the meaning behind it makes it all the more sweet. See, my grandmother always loved cardinals. She passed 11 years back from lung cancer. The cardinal was always a symbol of her presence and just recently, there has been one that keeps a close eye on my home. Flying back and forth as I drive down my street and lands on the telephone wire and hangs out most mornings. I know she's with me during my fight and when I had my choice of prayer blankets to choose from and I saw the cardinals all over it, I just knew. It was her calling to me. Maybe that's what brought on my tears during the prayer over my blanket, or just the fact that I'm finally giving in to my vulnerability. I'm not sure and it doesn't really matter. It's crazy how much breast cancer has changed me and my thought process. I'm taking something so horrible and turning it into a better me. They say that you're never given anything that you can't handle and I'm beginning to see some truth in that. Not that I'm thankful for having breast cancer but in some little way, I'm thankful to be given something that is making me a better version of myself.

Damn Chemo brain!

Hello everyone! I have been trying to update my blog for about a week now but the chemo has my brain in such disarray! I couldn't remember my password or how to even create a new blog. Silly, I know but for some reason it just wouldn't come to me. Since my last post, I felt better in between treaments and was even able to work again... light duty but it's still work. So I'm thankful for that. Keeping myself busy is important now because sometimes those inner demons haunt you. I'm keeping with the positivity and reminding myself that it's not my fault that this happened. What's meant to be is meant to be and I'll just take it as it comes. I had my second treatment of Taxotere 3 days ago. Yesterday was a little rough but I was able to keep busy at a co-workers wedding surrounded by lots of people I love. You really don't realize how lucky you are until misfortune veers its ugly head. I wish everyone out there could see that we all have positives in our life and we need to take hold of them and run with it. Yes, bad things happen but they shouldn't define us. We should embrace those that love us, take full advantage of their presence and really appreciate them and tell them often how much they mean to us. I know I've stated this over and over again... but I feel truly blessed to have such awesome people on my side. Everyday, someone inspires me with encouraging words that allow me to push forward and truly see the meaning of life and why I should continue to fight. "Operation Cancer @ss Kicking" is in full force. Thank you all again for your continued, non-waivering, support. They are truly what gets me by. Until next time... be well and love!

I just want to be able to work!

Hello everyone! I have officially gotten over the side effects of my first chemo treatment. I feel good, almost back to normal. One minor problem. My neutrophil count is low and instead of rising, it just keeps falling to the point that my immune system is about shot. The count is too low to work at my job, caring for the sick. I'm stuck in the house and that's getting old. I love my kids but man, are they getting on my nerves. I contacted my boss to see if there is somewhere else I can be placed until I'm healthy enough to take on the role again. I hope so because I would like some sense of normalcy back. Today is day 13 since I started my treatment. My hair is beginning to thin, strand by strand. I've been mentally preparing myself for this for weeks but it's still a blow to my self esteem. Everyone's been great, offering beautiful words of encouragement. I swear, what would I do without you all? I'd be in a dark cloud of dispair but you all won't let me. You were all placed in my life for a reason and now, it's all becoming clear why! Thank you as always, from the bottom of my heart.

Itchy, itchy, itchy!

Mentally and physically... today is so much better. The aches are tolerable and I actually feel like doing something for a change. This is great because I was starting to feel like a slug and feeling pretty guilty that Jon has to take care of me all the time. My big downfall for the day.... itchy rash all over my chest, neck and face. I look ridiculous! I called the doctor and they told me to Benadryl it up. So I may be out of commission anyway. As for the mouth ulcers, the doctors are currently calling in a prescription for Magic Swizzle to numb me up. I heard, it's the bomb! Thanks Beth for being an only child *wink, wink*. Hopefully my taste buds will come back soon. Everything tastes funny and I feel like I have pruney mouth all the time. Such a weird feeling. Ice pops and supplemental drinks have been my friends lately. Sorry that I took a hiatus on the thank you cards... I've been pretty down lately. But I think today will be the day to express my gratitude once again. I truly am so appreciative of all the love and support my family and I have been receiving. It's so nice to have such great people on our side and helping us push through this. I love you all!

I was hoping today would be better!

Today is day 3 post chemo! I was hoping to escape the side effects but I think they have a really big hold on me. The body aches is what is really getting me! I ache from my head, to my neck and shoulders, down to my toes. It's almost as if the flu bug has bit me and bit me hard. I am beginning to get little red bumps on my tongue which are making my mouth hurt too. Guess I should lay off my fresh, lemon water a bit. That could create a problem. Emotionally.... today has not been a great day. I woke up from my nap and I saw my kids for the first time, in what feels like 10 years. I feel like I haven't been able to spend a single minute with them and I feel like a bad mom. Everyone keeps telling me that "it's okay, they know you love them and that you're sick." That doesn't make it any easier, unfortunately. Lots of negative thoughts keep flowing back to my brain and I'm trying really hard, but sometimes, I just don't know. Jon has been keeping it together, and I'm not sure how? What did I ever do to deserve such a great, supportive, handsome, loving, husband and father? Sometimes I wonder! But he loves me and I'm so grateful for him, everyday. I'll try to update in a few days... if I'm feeling up to it. Thank you again for all the love and support!

Tomorrow is the BIG day!

Tomorrow is the BIG day! I'm sitting home alone. My kids are in good hands at Cliff and Kristy's house and Jon is at work while I sit here lost in my own thoughts. I'm thinking "this is it." No turning back now! I need to be at the Cancer Center at 7:45 tomorrow morning to begin my chemo treatment. This is what I've been waiting for since my plan has been implemented 2 weeks ago. I'm nervous, anxious, and have a million things going through my head. I'm trying to remain positive that the side effects won't get me too bad. I don't want to be stuck in bed, with body aches and hair falling out on my pillow. I want to be playing outside with my children, loving my husband and enjoying my life. I know I can't look into the future and foresee what's going to happen, but I do pray for an easy course. I do want to thank everyone again for their love and support during my difficult time. I don't know where I'd be without you all. Please keep the prayers and positive vibes coming. I know there working! Love, Krista

And the diagnosis is.....

I was living the life. I have a wonderful husband and two beautiful babies. I'm a year into nursing school, 1 more to go to reach my goal. When I found it! A suspicious lump on my left breast. After many, and I mean many invasive and non-invasive tests, the diagnosis was in. Invasive ductal carcinoma, is what they said. Breast cancer? Me? No way! How could this be? I have no family history, I'm only 34 years old, for god sakes. But it's the harsh reality I'm facing right now. I met with my surgeon, Dr. McGuire. She's so compassionate and understanding and sat with me for a long while, explaining what my options are. Do we do surgery first? Chemo? Radiation? Yikes... so much to take in. Next was the meeting with my Oncologist, Dr. Ristogi, another beautiful soul. She explained that my best treatment option would be to start with chemo first x's 6 months to decrease the size of the lump, then remove the tumor via a lumpectomy with Dr. McGuire, and potentially radiation afterwards. So there it is, my plan in a nutshell I have days of extreme anxiousness, worrying about my future, my poor husband who has been my rock, and my childrens welfare. I worry about the financial aspect of all the co-pays, deductables and dr. bills. Through this past month, I have been humbled by such supportive friends, relatives, and co-workers. I have received food donations, grocery store gift cards, a fundraising benefit in July to help with my financial costs. Many of you, outside and inside of the Pittsburgh area have asked how they can contribute, so my husband put together this page. I hate asking for things as I've always been such a strong, independent women. But the truth of the matter, is that I need help. My family needs help making ends meet, as I fight this cancer that has invaded my body. With all the love and support I've been receiving, I have no doubt that Cancer messed with the wrong chick. Keep the prayers coming and I thank you, from the bottom of my heart for your help.